You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
