How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
