literally had 100 drinks last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
