hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
