The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
