Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
