So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
