I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
