i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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