i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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