i permit you to call me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
