I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
