ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
