I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
