Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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