Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.