she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you had me at cake vodka
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.