I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th