Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
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i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?