Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.