I'm really into asian looking animals
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
