Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!

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(870): View more from Arkansas

just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.

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(818): View more from California

Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.

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(253): View more from Washington

My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY

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(620): View more from Kansas

I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.

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(404): View more from Georgia

AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!

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