your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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