i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
