Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't turn off my feet"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
