If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
