can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
