he puts the penis in happiness.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
