I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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