When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
