I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
