need another drink. this is the easiest way
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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