OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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