everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
