im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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