Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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