Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
