listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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