just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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