if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
