Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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