I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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