Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
