Betty ford says i'm here all night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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