I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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