My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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