So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
