I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
