Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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