Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
