i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This is my gift to your gina
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
