I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
