I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
