I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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