I'm eating all of the evidence.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and she was petting her beer can
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
