Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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