please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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