I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
