So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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