oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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