I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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