he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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