drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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