At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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