Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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