do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
