Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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