Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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