We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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